Stupid Is

By Dave Buffington

Let’s say you’re stupid.

Let’s say you’re the buffoon who jumps off the roof of his garage and onto a trampoline hoping to make a swan dive into a wading pool.

Fine by me.

You die, and really, I won’t care.

Break your back? Just be ready to pay your own hospital bill.

Likewise, I don’t care about the rich fools who try to climb Mt. Everest without training. Or about the poor fools who try to rob houses by going down the chimney. Or about any of the Darwin Award winners who die by planking, ghost riding or tsunami surfing.

Don’t care.

As long as the only life you risk is yours.

Which brings us to this week’s story from Hummelstown (on Page 4), in which one or more adults are expected to be charged with providing booze to a number of minors.

As always, the accused should be presumed innocent until proven guilty.

But let’s say someone did do this. Let’s say I did it. Let’s say I served case after case of beer to a bunch of minors at my house.

Not a glass of wine with Christmas dinner. Not a taste of champagne on New Year’s Eve.

But lots and lots of booze to lots and lots of kids.

Then I risked lots and lots of lives other than mine.

And then, I should go to jail.

For a long, long time.

Somewhere back in the 80s, we lost the line between private and public behavior, when liberals began poking into our kitchens and conservatives began poking into our bedrooms.

Take Rick Santorum. Please. Rick worries about the morality of others. (Although his rise as a cultural conservative is a funny thing for the folks who knew Rick when he was a ladies man about Harrisburg.)

Me? I don’t care what you do with your time, your food or other consenting adults. Just don’t ask me (or anyone else) to rescue you when you get trapped on a snow-covered mountain or cure you when you contract an exotic STD.

But when the kid you got drunk crashes into a tree … or worse, head-on into some innocent driver, then it’s everyone’s concern.

Then we get to punish you for your stupidity.

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